Hundreds of College Students Feign Compassion for Speaker

Milwaukee-- At Marquette University, Monday, January 23rd, hundreds of undergraduates gathered to listen to an alumnus, Nancy Pulaski, speak about her experience working in a rural Chinese community. "It's funny," Pulaski began while eyeing her coffee and smiling absent-mindedly, "This is the first cup of coffee I've had since I got back from China." Some students turned to their friends in "shock," while the others froze their faces in a concerned frown--a lazy attempt to hide the fact that they were simply zoning out. "I get extra credit for being here," said Hayley Oswalt who quickly added, "but it's an honor to hear such an amazing story." All of the students were full of reactions like, "What a struggle!" and "I could never do that!" When Pulaski finally ended her speech with the harrowing tale of how she had to act as midwife to teenager, the crowd clapped in zombie-like unison. "I'm just glad I got to tell my story," said Pulaski, again eyeing her coffee in that strange way. "Can you summarize that for me," said several students as they walked out of the auditorium, "I've gotta write 500 words on it."